Archive for the 'personal reflections' Category

images of 2009

2009 was a knitting-lite, event-heavy year for me.

First, the knitting. I made mostly small projects this year: socks, scarves and small shawls, quite a few of which were gifts. It was fun looking over them, and thinking about what I’d like to make more of next year.

This is what they are (links go to Ravelry project pages): 1. Dark Ice Cowl, 2. Vintage Floral Tea Cosy, 3. Druidess Beret, 4. Laminaria, 5. Om Shanti Bed Socks, 6. Hemlock Ring Blanket, 7. Anemoi Mittens, 8. Over the Garden Wall Socks, 9. Hedera Socks, 10. Kate’s Ishbel, 11. Cath’s Ishbel, 12. Another Laminaria, 13. Wedding Shrug, 14. Tess, 15. Ruby’s Layette, 16. Haven

And the events?

Well, on the family and friend front, we visited relatives in Germany, and had family and friends come and stay with us.  Our dear friends Kersti and James got married, and baby Ruby was born in November.

I ran my first 5k in May, and Alice and I ran our first 10k in September.

My year was punctuated by the month-long intensive yoga training course into which I immersed myself in August. It was the first time I have been away from my family since, well, since I have had a family. The yoga training has changed me. I am now  calmer, more detached in stressful situations, and quicker to bounce back from things that might have affected me more deeply in the past. All of which is another way of saying that I am more happy, more often. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to make this change, especially to Steve and my boys for so happily sending me off and fending for themselves in those weeks!

The second half of the year marked changes for several members of my family. In September, my boys both started new schools and I started a new job, as well as starting to teach a yoga class. Life felt very hectic for a while as we all adjusted to our new environments. My new job has taken up much of my time and energy over the last few months. Next year, I hope to regain a better balance: to have more time to spend with friends and family, and more time and energy for myself.

Whatever you are hoping for in 2010, I wish you all the best, and hope that it comes to pass. Happy New Year!

1. Our holiday in Amalfi, 2. Running my first Race for Life, 3. Visiting family in Germany, 4. Cousins sharing afternoon tea, 5. My boys performing together for the last time at their old school, 6. A wonderful week with Anthea and her daughters, 7. Training as a yoga teacher, 8. Alice and me running our first 10k race, 9. Kersti and James’s wedding, 10. Baby Ruby is born

Published on December 31, 2009. 15 Comments

discombobulated

dis-com-bob-u-late (verb):

1: to cause to be confused emotionally [syn: bewilder, bemuse, discombobulate, throw]

2: to be confused, disconcerted or perplexed; to be unable to think clearly.

I am discombobulated.

I have been through an intense experience (the yoga teacher training course mentioned in my last post) and I have come home straight into another set of intense experiences (starting a new job as well as various other family changes happening at the same time).

I have had no time, either during the teacher training course (TTC), or since I got home, to sit back and reflect on what these experiences have meant to me. I think the course has had a profound effect on me. I think that the effects will be lasting and deep. But I cannot yet say what they are or quite how they will change me.

Practicising yoga together on the deck, overlooking the mountains
Practicising yoga together on the deck, overlooking the mountains

I had imagined, before I went, that I would keep a diary of my time during TTC, and that I would come home full of details and anecdotes, enthusiastic and bursting to share my experience.

Instead, I find myself tongue tied, unable to articulate what I think or how I feel.

I am reminded of the ways in which my illness (pneumonia) a year ago influenced and changed me. Sometimes I feel as though I am constantly banging on about that illness, and I worry that I am in danger of defining myself partly through it. But, being so severely ill did profoundly affect me, and in ways that I am still discovering. It caused me, consciously and unconsciously, to examine myself and to think about what I wanted to have more, or less of, in my life. I would not have started running had I not been so ill, and I would not have dreamed of becoming a yoga teacher. I would probably not have applied for, and got,  jobs that I wanted. It has, however, also left me with a legacy of feeling betrayed by my body, and a sense that I cannot quite put the trust in it that I used to.

Similarly, I suspect that it may take some time before I discover what the effects of the yoga TTC have been.

Eating together, overlooking the mountains
Eating together, overlooking the mountains

There were some moments that were truly magical. Hiking above the clouds on the alps at dawn with the sun just touching the tips of the mountains is unbelievably awe inspiring. There were other times that were incredibly tough: people cried and shouted, argued and flounced. It seemed as though there was someone or other doing at least one of these things at least once a day.

Standing together, facing the sun as it rises over the mountains
Standing together,   facing the sun as it rises over the mountains

Life has been so manic since I got back that it was only yesterday, traveling to work and listening to some chanting on my ipod, that it really hit me how much I miss the ashram, and what a deep level of serenity I came to experience there. I miss the people too, both my fellow students and the gentle, wise, and sometimes unworldly Swamis who taught us. There were a few people whose company was a constant challenge to me, and others with whom I would gladly go back and live tomorrow. But I have shared an experience with all of them that is hard to explain and describe to others who were not there.

I think, and I hope, that some of the friendships I formed there will make the transition back into our ‘real’ lives, and will prove to be lasting ones.

Entertaining each other
The poignant beauty of Marianne’s voice and lyrics

So, it is good to be back. It is good to be back in the bosom of my family, in the company of my friends and in the arms of my man. It is good to be in London again, good to be working again,  good to be knitting again and good, at last, to be blogging again.

But I am also sad to have left behind me this precious, extraordinary, life-changing experience. I am thrown into confusion as to what it all has meant, and what it might turn out to mean.

I am discombobulated.

Now, when I look up, this is what I see. I miss the mountains!
Now, when I look up, this is what I see. I miss the mountains!

Published on September 15, 2009. 23 Comments Tags: .

little

A little update on my running progress, for those of you who are interested.

I started running in January this year, following the brilliant Couch to 5k plan. I can’t recommend this plan highly enough if you are a non-runner who wants to start. In May I took part in the the Race for Life 5k, and since then I have been gradually increasing how much running I do each week.

I am currently running 3-4 times a week:

  1. Once a week I do a long, slow run, that I have made a bit longer each time. Last week, for the first time, I ran a full 10K, a feat that I am proud to say I repeated yesterday. My aim is to keep this distance but try and increase the speed.
  2. One run a week is faster, but shorter (about 3k, in about 20 minutes). This is the one I find hardest to do!
  3. Once a week I do interval training in the gym, which consists of sprinting for 60-90 seconds and then walking for 90 seconds. I repeat this 8 times.
  4. The fourth run, when we can, is with my new running buddy, and is definitely the most fun – chatting makes the time go so much more quickly!

And the little group of beanie babies in the photo? I came across them yesterday morning running in a deserted park at 6.30 in the morning. They looked so cute that I just had to stop and photograph them!

Published on July 4, 2009. 14 Comments Tags: .

patience

Steve and I spent Saturday morning at a meditation workshop run by one of my yoga teachers. We discussed meditation from scientific, historical and yogic perspectives and  practised a variety of meditation techniques. Among many interesting things that we talked about, there was one idea that particularly resonated with me and that I wanted to share here.

It is the notion of patience as the opposite of doubt, and impatience as the opposite of faith; an alignment that I found very powerful.

I have a basically optimistic outlook on life, best characterised by a general belief that things tend to work out all right in the end. But I had never before made the connection between having a vague hope that things will work out, and having the patience to remain constant within myself in the meantime.

Patience is something we knitters understand. It takes patience, and faith,  to devote tens or hundreds of hours to creating an item that we cannot see, touch or try on before we have made it. We have faith, or we hope, that it will turn out all right in the end (even if ‘in the end’ turns out to mean multiple attempts later!)

The  flowers in the photo are the first of many that I need to crochet for the vintage tea cosy that I am making. They are fiddly and are taking me far longer than they should for something so small. Working on them is  in itself a little excercise in patience.

Published on January 28, 2009. 20 Comments Tags: .

happy new year!

2008 in photos

It’s been an eventful year.

I turned 40 in January and had the most fabulous birthday party imaginable. Steve collected everyone’s photographs from the weekend – you can see them here if you are interested.

March saw my entry into the blogosphere, and I am thrilled to have taken the plunge! It has been so rewarding becoming part of an online community of knitters – something I just do not (yet) have in ‘real life’. Making some wonderful new friends through my blog has been an unexpected joy this year. It has been great to meet a couple of you in real life, and it is lovely to think that I could travel all over the world and meet people who I already ‘know’. Thank you for reading my blog and for your supportive, funny, kind and wise comments and emails. They have meant so much to me this year.

There was a precious new addition to our family in February – my nephew Max was born after a difficult pregnancy for my sister-in-law.  His coming into the world at all seemed like a little miracle, and his recovery from a recent illness was truly a blessing. I am looking forward to watching him and all my nieces and nephews grow and flourish this year.

We spent time staying with family members, and had others come to stay with us. My beautiful niece caught the knitting bug, and is my only family member (so far) to join me on Ravelry. I am looking forward to seeing what she comes up with next!

We were lucky to get tickets for the astonishing History Cycle at Stratford upon Avon. This was a production of all eight of Shakespeare’s History plays, performed by the same cast over a three day marathon. It was a theatrical experience unlike any we have had before, and I am so glad that we were able to take our boys to share in it. Theatre and film are two art forms for which we share a passion in our family; it is so rewarding to see our boys internalise this love as they step on stage themselves and start to make their own films. I am looking forward to seeing and experiencing more of their and others’ productions this year.

I was the most ill that I have ever been when I contracted pneumonia in July. But if it were not for that illness, I would not have jumped in to begin training as a yoga teacher, or started running with the help of a personal trainer. I am excited about running in my first 5k event with a friend in the next couple of months, and I am looking forward to the first stage of my yoga training, which starts in a few weeks with a 6-month foundation course.

We went to some wonderful places this year – Steve and I visited Copenhagen, and we took our boys to Rome. Other trips had to be cancelled, but we are already making new plans to compensate… I am looking forward to seeing more of the world this year.

I have had so much fun knitting this year! You can see the projects I completed here. My resolution last year was not to make anything that didn’t fit me again, and with one exception (which by the way I have plans to remedy), I have managed to stick to it! I went to Woolfest, saw the Yarn Harlot speak at the I Knit Day in London, and I had my first ever knitting pattern published in Popknits. This year I am looking forward to being part of the Sock(topus) Club, and maybe even meeting some local knitters as a result!

Happy New Year – I hope you have a wonderful 2009, and that whatever you are looking forward to comes to pass!

Published on January 1, 2009. 14 Comments Tags: .